Authenticity vs. Attachment in Trauma and Mental Health

The Inner Struggle: Authenticity vs. Connection

Have you ever felt torn between being true to yourself and fitting in with others? It's a common struggle that many of us face, and it can have a big impact on our mental health.

Understanding the Pleasing Strategy

Let's break it down a bit. On one hand, we all have this innate need to be authentic, to be true to who we really are. We want to express ourselves, our beliefs, and our values in a genuine way. But on the other hand, we also have a deep need for connection, belonging, and validation. We want to feel accepted, loved, and validated by others.

The Impact of the Fawn Response

This conflict between authenticity and attachment can lead to what psychologists call a pleasing strategy. In an effort to fit in and feel connected, we might suppress our true selves and adopt behaviors or beliefs that we think will please others. We might say yes when we really want to say no, or we might hide parts of ourselves that we think others won't accept.

One way this conflict can manifest is through the fawn response, which we might develop as children in an unsafe or close environment. The fawn response involves prioritizing the needs of others over our own in an attempt to gain acceptance and avoid conflict. While this response may have helped us survive in the short term, it can create deep scars of trauma and hinder our ability to be authentic in our relationships and interactions.

Finding Balance and Healing With ACT

But here's the thing: it doesn't have to be this way. We can find a balance between authenticity and connection, where we can be true to ourselves while also feeling connected to others. It's about learning to embrace who we are, flaws and all, and finding people who accept and love us for exactly who we are.

ACT therapy can be a helpful tool in navigating this balance. It can provide a safe space to explore our true selves, uncovering our authentic desires and values. It can also help us develop healthier ways of relating to others, where we can maintain our authenticity while also forming meaningful connections.

Conclusion: Embrace Your Authenticity

So, if you're feeling stuck in this conflict between authenticity and connection, know that you're not alone. There's support available, and it's okay to reach out for help. Together, we can work towards finding that balance and living a more authentic and fulfilling life.